


Legends are Stories of Those Long Gone

by TigStripe



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Implied steelhacker, M/M, One Shot, Wakes & Funerals, grieving/mourning, lost opportunities, season 4 finale au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 07:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19146223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TigStripe/pseuds/TigStripe
Summary: When things go wrong at Heyworld, the Legends lose someone dear to them, leaving Ray in a state he hadn't expected at Nate's funeral.AU where Nate dies in the season 4 finale.





	Legends are Stories of Those Long Gone

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: I'm sorry.
> 
> Second of all: 50th unique story submitted to AO3! Woo!
> 
> Third of all: I'm really sorry.

_ “ _ _ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” _

There was a murmur of “amen” as the congregation bowed their heads. The silence that followed was broken only by the desperate sobs of Dot, in the front row, flanked on either side by her daughter and son-in-law. She shook uncontrollably between each gasp, her shoulders offering some of the only movement in the room.

The room itself was beautiful. Flowers in white and yellow adorned the edges of the solid wooden casket, which shone with careful, meticulous polish. Many people had gathered to pay their respects to both the departed and his mother, filling the pews with their various black dresses and suits, some adorned with what should have been uplifting feathery pieces. A pristine photograph sat propped on a display near the foot of the altar, displaying the intelligent and lively face of the departed, his warm smile lighting up the room. 

The casket itself lay open, the much more peaceful face of Nate Heywood sleeping forever more.

At the back of the room, several faces bore more than sadness - they bore responsibility. None of the Legends could forgive themselves for what had happened at Heyworld, although some knew they were more directly responsible than others.

John Constantine sat apart from the crew, standing near a window as though he meant to make an escape through its paned glass. His eyes were locked on the back of the pew in front of him, an unlit cigarette dangling out of the corner of his mouth. His face was gaunt, his expression darkened by the circles under his eyes. He could feel Mick’s eyes on him every now and then, the blame sending chills up his spine, but he had stopped apologizing by now. Everyone knew how he felt, which was far worse than the pain caused by any demon-inspired torture he’d been through.

The rest of the Legends did their best to console one another: Ava squeezed Sara’s hand in silent support; Mona and Gary shared a box of tissues as they let their tears fall unobstructed; Mick and Charlie stood at the back of the room with scowls aimed at John; Jax and Wally silently reassured their former colleagues through holding their hands or simply putting their hands on shoulders. None of them said a word.

Nora and Behrad, however, were less concerned with the funeral proceedings or the other Legends. Each of them had instead locked onto Raymond, who stood by himself near the big wooden doors leading out of the chapel, his face almost catatonic. The tears had stopped quickly for Ray, and his lapse into silence following Nate’s death was a cause for concern, especially for Nora. He’d stopped eating. The bags under his eyes showed his lack of sleep. Even in a funeral suit, he looked disheveled. But he stood up straight, a statue guarding the exit, his eyes only moving to gaze at a different parts of the casket in front of them.

The funeral and burial proceeded without incident. It had been as lovely as a burial could be - Nate’s impact was evident in the way so many people had gathered. Even members of Team Flash has shown up to pay their respects to Nate’s mother. As more people appeared before her, Dot’s tears stopped, and her smile grew. She’d not known much about his heroics until now, but with every story she heard, the pride in her eyes shone more brightly.

Ray stalked the cemetery long after even Nate’s family had dispersed. As he approached the headstone, the sunlight seemed to fade, the world becoming a gray, overcast realm. This didn’t bother Ray, as the world had already lost much of its color. What was a little more gray to add to the pile, anyway?

Nate’s grave was absolutely covered in flowers, practically obscured from view. Ray stood at the foot of the freshly disturbed soil, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped. He read the headstone, the corners of his mouth tugging into a sad smile.

“Nathaniel Heywood - Here Lies a Son, Friend, Hero.”

“Ray?”

Nora’s voice didn’t seem to reach him. As she approached, he stood as silent as the grave before him, his eyes locked onto the assortment of flowers at his feet.

“Hey.” Nora appeared at his side and gingerly placed her hand on his arm. He didn’t move.

They stood in silence like that for some time before Ray lowered his face, his eyes closed. 

Nora looked up at him. His face was stoic, almost serene, his hair falling in straggly strands around his cheeks. “Talk to me, Ray.”

There was no response.

“Please, Ray,  _ please  _ say something. Be mad. Or sad. Something.”

Her request was met with a deep sigh. “I can’t. I don’t know what to say.”

“That part’s easy. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

Ray hung his head, no sound escaping him. Nora waited, her eyes searching for any sign of him returning to the conversation. She never saw any.

“Okay. I’ll start,” she said. She turned to the grave and cleared her throat. “Nate was a hero, and…” She faltered. “And…” She cleared her throat again. “...And I barely knew him. But-”

“Stop.” The word was practically choked out of Ray’s throat.

“Sorry, I know I don’t have a lot of stories about him, but he did help me. I just wanted to-”

“Can you go, please?”

Nora dropped her hands to her sides, her eyes wide. “But-”

“Just  _ go, _ Nora. You’re not helping.” His words were harsher than he’d intended, but he didn’t make any move to soften their sting.

Nora pulled away without a word, turning her back to the grave and Ray both, tears stinging her eyes at how foolish she felt. She had powerful magic at her disposal, but nothing could help Ray with this situation. She was powerless, and that burned in her chest and up into her cheeks.

Ray listened for her footsteps until he figured she was out of earshot. Despite her ill attempt at helping, Nora had been correct - Ray needed to say  _ something. _ He crouched down and took a peace lily’s bloom between his fingers, feeling its velvety softness. “Hey, Nate.”

The grave lapsed into silence as Ray took a deep breath. He knew what he wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine Nate’s face in front of him, bright eyes and goofy grin waiting to hear his explanation. A small smile drifted across Ray’s face and a lone tear fell down his cheek, further developing the words forming in his mind.

“There’s something I need to say, and I know how awkward it’s going to sound, but just bear with me, okay?” He swallowed hard. “I know this past year was weird. And I know I kind of lost myself in Nora a little. And it’s not like you weren’t  _ involved _ with…” He paused, thinking. “Someone. Can’t seem to remember her face, though. Anyway.

“You’ve heard the phrase, ‘don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone?’ Well, since you’ve left, I haven’t stopped thinking about what we had. Together.” He fell silent, tears stinging his eyes. He blinked them away. “You were my best friend. But I loved you, buddy. And now that you’re gone, I-” He swallowed hard. “Now I realize just how much. I haven’t had a hole in my heart this painful since...since Anna. I didn’t just love you, Nate. I was  _ in _ love with you, we were both just so busy that I didn’t realize it.”

As if waiting for a response, Ray went quiet, his eyes still closed and his mind focused on Nate’s face. In his mental picture, Nate’s expression softened and gave him an affirming nod. Ray felt a quiver in his chin, but he took a quick breath to stave it off.

“If you were here, you’d probably just pull me into a hug and tell me how much that means to you. And you’d ease me into the fact that you didn’t feel that way about me. Or maybe you’d drop everything and kiss me, I don’t even know.” Ray chuckled, which subconsciously fought off a sob. “I’m sorry I never told you.”

Ray opened his eyes and eyed the headstone. When it unexpectedly continued to exist in cold silence, he sighed. “I’ll have to move on eventually, I know that. But the fact that I’ll never even get an opportunity to tell you the truth...it hurts, Nate. And I don’t know if I can forgive myself for everything that’s happened. I thought I was saving you.” His left hand reached across and tightly gripped his right wrist - tightly enough to cause it to ache. “How can I forgive myself for letting this happen?”

The headstone offered no answer.

“It was a lovely service,” Ray continued, his voice tight. “You touched so many people’s lives. I didn’t expect to see Barry and Iris here.” A smile tugged at his mouth, but only for a moment. “But this headstone isn’t quite right.”

Ray stood up straight, pulling out a part of his ATOM suit from his pocket, situating the laser gauntlet onto his right hand. “I’ll fix it, though.” He pointed it at the headstone and activated the startlingly blue beam.

As the smoke cleared, Ray smiled, this time more earnestly. “I don’t know how I’m going to go on without you, buddy. I…” He paused, the gears turning. “I don’t know if I can keep being a Legend after all this. Nora means well, but she’s nothing more than a reminder of what happened. I think...I think I need some  _ me _ time now.”

There was a slight breeze across the graveyard, chilling Ray’s face. He did his best to ignore it, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to focus on Nate’s face again. When he opened his eyes, he reread the headstone and sighed. “I guess...this is goodbye. But don’t worry - I’ll come visit. I promise.”

He approached the headstone and placed a solemn hand on it, feeling the chill of the stone underneath in the overcast daylight.

“I love you, Nate.”

Ray turned away from the grave, lingering on his first step as if to lock in the feeling of being near Nate one last time. As he slowly walked away, the sound of his footsteps grew quieter and quieter, until soon the grave sat alone. The headstone stood strong, polished, but scarred to correction:

“Nathaniel Heywood - Here Lies a Son, Friend, Hero. Here Lies a Legend.”


End file.
